Powerless to Powerful

One week ago the entire area was hit by what is now being called a Category 1 Land Hurricane. For me and my family this took out our power for roughly 5 days in 100 degree temps with no running water. Luckily we only had 2 trees knocked down and a large branch that could account as a tree! Also, a hundred other little things were destroyed on our property but nothing major and we were all untouched by the wrath of this storm...well physically untouched. I think the emotional scarring might last awhile but we'll get over it.
It was a way of weeding out the weak...which we were weeded out and escaped to a hotel!

Airing Out the Laundry

I couldn't help but laugh today as I was outside hanging my laundry up on the line to dry, with the turbines spinning happily in the background along the Highway...I had my A/C on and the pool pump filtering 24/7.
I was so proud of myself for almost drying my clothes outside for an entire month, thinking of how much energy I'd saved and how much lower our electricity bill was going to be. Over the weekend my husband was kind enough to whip me up a batch of some homemade laundry detergent so I've been going to town on the laundry with it to do a comparison. I was feeling so "Green" so "Hands On" and then the weather changed and the bugs grew bigger and bigger...there were Grasshoppers jumping as high as my clothes line...forcing me back to the modern day way of thinking..."screw this"   Ha!

The Progression of Busy

There was a time in my life, when I was a West Central party girl...living the high life, happy but empty...and then I found Todd...who made me very very happy and then I became Mrs. Myers a.k.a. full time working wife at a TV Station with a husband who had a bar. Life was busy and we were always on the go...at least we thought...until we had our first born. Then I became very, very very happy...was Mrs. Myers aka Full time working classy momma at the TV Station...and then I was really always on the go...well...at least I thought I was...then I had my second child...Then I became very, very, very, very happy and THOUGHT I was going to be the fancy full time working momma of two but something wonderful happened and I was pulled away from my job (thank you God or I would have never left) and then I became a stay at home mom and I thought life would be easier. WRONG...then I became MORE busy then I've ever been in my life! But still...very very very very happy! :)

Bye Bye Summer Vacation

So as this evening comes to a close, so does the kids summer vacation. Tomorrow Tayla begins 1st Grade (and it's her 7th Bday) and on Thursday Nora begins her 1st day of Preschool!
I have to say that although a small part of me is happy that order and structure will reside in the Myers household once again...but a huge part of me if very sad that the days will not be filled with the laughter of the girls. Living out in the country there's (obviously) not a neighborhood where kids play and run around and be free like I did. Out here you pretty much have to make "Playdates" and be dropped off and picked up...something I'm not exactly hip to. Perhaps someone needs to write a "Playdate Book for Country Dummies" because I'm still not sure if I have to stay at their house with the kids or if I can just drop them off and leave. I'm not sure what the "Playdate Etiquette" is. OK..moving on...because of this the summer has been filled with Tayla and Nora being each others best friends and playing with each other, laughing with each other, creating with each other, giggling, crying, etc. I'm afraid that all of this will end as soon as school begins and Tayla begins once more hanging out with kids her own age and cuts Nora off. My fear is there because we had this situation happen last year when school began and I remember it being a difficult transition. I'm only hoping that it's better this year. I'll miss my girls and the time we had during the summer...although I have a lot of guilt from things we did not get to do, I also have a lot of pride from things that we DID accomplish.

 Their little minds never once stopped imagining or creating. I love this about my children...they can look at an empty box and turn it into a Barbie Castle!
Well..we'll see how the school year rolls!

Fingers crossed....

The Lonely Sibling

After several, maybe even a decade of fighting a battle with my sister in law, this morning in the shower it finally came to me: SHE WON.
I know my brother to be quiet, to go with the flow and to remain calm. I am the exact opposite...I like to speak my mind, end resolutions, win wars, change the world! My sister in law likes to be in charge, demanding, and to her their is one world, my brother. Which is very loving and nice but along with my brother is a family and to her this family is a distraction which pulls away her much needed attention.
For years I've been playing tug of war with my brother...trying to pull him into town for visits now and then but this is becoming more and more scarce.
We were so close as siblings and he has always been my friend. Without him I am deeply saddened and I've been quite hateful and harsh towards him. (Typical Scorpio reaction to hurt) I miss him terribly but am afraid that the feeling is not mutual.
Over the years, my very distant and cold sister in law has slowly been chipping away at the bridge which connects my brother to me, to my mother, his nieces...all of us. There's nothing left for us to cross over and communicate with each other. There's been no repair to this bridge resulting in permanent closure.
So this morning as I grit my teeth...all of a sudden it him me: SHE HAS WON. I need to just let it all go and accept this instead of being upset and hurt.

The Cost of Pain

I don't often like to talk about the pain that I'm in but lately it's been overpowering me and I need an escape for it to leave my body...maybe this will help.
For as young as I am, and for the amount of pain that I am in...I'm not looking to becoming old..well older.
A car accident when I was 3 months pregnant, has permanently damaged my left sacroiliac joint, my L5, and   my left heel hasn't had any feeling in it for 4 years since the accident.
I thank God that Nora and Tayla were both unharmed!
But now I live with pain everyday of  my life. Sometimes the pain is there but not significant and other times it's almost completely unbearable.
I've been through 5 months of physical therapy, 1 month of chiropractic therapy, pain management, prescriptions,cortisone injections, yoga, expensive shoes, I've exercised...all with no relief. Some things made the pain worsen...some made it stay the same but nothing makes it leave my body. It's always there and when I'm weak the pain becomes intense such as this morning. I tell my husband or my kids that my back hurts or my hip hurts but their aren't enough words to describe the intense pain that is felt with every step.
I have to keep moving...I have to keep going and purge out the unbearable pain and focus on my family and things that need to be taken care of around the house.
Sometimes I feel as though I've been beaten to the ground and it takes everything I have to pull myself up, stand tall and continue on with a smile.
I grew up with a mother who was always in pain...I don't want to be that mother to my children. I want to be strong for them...I want to cry when I hear my 3 year old mimic me by saying that her "hip hurts"
Is there any way out? Will it get worse? Am I just losing pain tolerance? Does anyone know? These are questions I ask myself all of the time. Sometimes when I'm talking with someone and I get a stabbing feeling in my joint I "go somewhere" in hopes that they don't notice. Sometimes I can't follow a conversation because of this. Sometimes I get nervous.
 It's funny the amount of damage that can be done to ones entire life because of 2 teenagers careless driving.
I still laugh at the settlement that our "top of the line" attorney got for us. $8000 was our "take home $". I'd like to take that money and throw it in every one's face. I often wonder if the driver even knows that I still think about that accident all of the time. That I'm still feeling that accident. I love hearing stories of people who bank off of "accidents" claiming false injuries. If I could, I would love to somehow bottle up 4 years of pain and have them drink the poison.
Enough feeling this way...I have a day to greet...kids to take care of...weeds to pull...laundry to clean...blah blah blah...the day will not stop for my pain. As I've always told my father, "STAND TALL"

Busy Busy Busy

The girls are spent and waiting for summer arrival so they can swim and play non-stop...stay up late and sleep in. For me, this means 3 months of a non-structured, chaotic whirl wind of a summer. I'm a rather structured, routine person so when the summer comes things get a little crazy for me. I like to know where the day is headed so I'm aware of a beginning and end point. Haha...I know...it's anal but it's all I got. So, because my kids are kids I throw out routine and structure during the summer and we play everything by ear which usually results in me losing my mind more so than I already have. I do have to admit that I am looking forward to the sleeping in part mainly because I've been staying up until the wee hours of the morning catering to my new addiction: Law & Order: Criminal Intent!  (I'm a little behind the times with my TV shows)
This summer should be interesting with a new addition to the Myers family: Sophie! A 4 month old German Shepherd we rescued from a shelter. I know nothing about dogs but I must be doing something right because she seems to be very loyal to me and listens to what I tell her to do more than anyone. Maybe it's fear because she hears me scream at the kids all of the time. She's a very smart little pup and we hope to train her well.
I've been so busy with everything that I haven't blogged for quite sometime. A lot has happened since my last post. We cleared everything out of my Grandma's house with a semi-productive garage sale last weekend. The only thing left I have to get is her antique Mahogany Hutch which is BEAUTIFUL! I'm looking forward to stocking it with my precious items and I can't wait to decorate the top with 2 beautiful vintage glass cubed buffet lamps I got for $1 at a garage sale! I would have loved to have had the beautiful Duncan and Phyfe Dining Room table and chairs to go along with it but who has dining rooms anymore?
I've also been busy gardening, gardening and more gardening. Transplanting perennials here and there and everywhere!
I also transplanted a mystery tree from our woods to the front and some wild raspberries!
I'll have pictures to post of everything at a later time!
For now...I'm ready to head back outside and begin my morning with some weeding before it rains.

If Only a House Could Speak

If only a house could speak...oh the stories it would tell...
It would tell of times when lives were young before all innocence fell...
The sound of children's pitter patter throughout the house...
When ruffles flowed down a pressed ironed blouse...
When the Bible was taught and manners learned...
When work was hard, times were tough, lives were turned...
It would speak of strength a family has...
A time when neighbors were neighborly as...
The freshly planted roses along the picket fence...
Now shows traces of neglect...the weeping flowers are tense...
For times have come and gone throughout this home...
It holds so many memories which can be shone...
The love, the laughter, the brilliance passed on...
To the next contender..from dusk til dawn...
It's the "End of an Era" time to say, "Good Bye"...
I know it's tough and tears have run dry...
Good Bye, Good Bye, Good Bye, Good Bye.
 ~Lisa D. Myers

Soley We Sink

In this world of communication, sometimes it seems as though our real thoughts and words are misinterpreted. We have every communication device known to mankind...with our SmartPhones, PM's, IM's, Email, Blogs, Facebook, Texts you'd think that we would be able to coordinate dates and thoughts, issues and precise feelings to the T...but instead it seems as though our conversations couldn't be any more lost than they are right now. Why is that? Could it be that we now rely soley on using only these devices to communicate and losing our abilities to phyiscally talk with a person. Points, feelings, decisions, etc are all taken out of context while in print. You can read the same sentence and depending on what your mood is it will in fact reflect upon what the text reads. This is why it is so important for us to pick up the phone and call one another to engage in a little old-fashioned thing known as conversation. It's wonderful how the communication flows so much more smoothly while conversing. So, right now, as I Blog...I would like to be the first person to notate that I'm taking it back old school and will not try my hardest to use the old fashioned telly or face to face conversations with others instead of trying to read into their texts. Wish me luck!

Wishy Washy People

I'm at a point in my life where if I've pissed you off you need to be upfront and let me know. I don't have time for these childish ignoring games. My pet peeve is when people just are not upfront with me. If you're pissed, then say something...let's resolve it and move on. Simple as that. It's a lot easier than spending a year or so walking on egg shells with a person wondering when they'll get over whatever the hell they're upset about. I especially am annoyed when it's an ongoing, reoccurring issue with the same people...over and over and over again. I make an effort to resolve things. It's healthier and less stressful that way. Life is hard enough without having to worry about wishy washy people. What do others do with these kind of people in their lives. Ignore them and wait for them to come around on their own terms and then you have to pretend as if nothings wrong? As if you haven't been ignored for a year? Seriously, I'm going to start cutting people loose when this happens especially when it's the same person over and over again. There has to become a point where enough is enough. It seems to me to be a type of abusive friendship. lol

White Gloves and Posture

Words cannot describe the love I have for the lifestyle once lived by those before the 50's! This would be when people actually took pride in what they wore and even if they only had one good dress that is what they wore when going out and it was fabulous! Women in white gloves and dresses with posture and manners. Kids dressed up and behaved...men dressed in their Sundays best when dining out, going to church...while in the public. Everything that people owned was cherished and had value. People respected each other...and were polite. Entertainment was minimal and work was hard but still more pride seemed to exist back then. What has happened to us? Our fine china has been replaced with plastic...hand made, solid wood furniture has been replaced with cheap pieces of crap that last a little under a couple of years...people ate out only a handful of times in a year and when they did they were dressed their best and the children wouldn't dare misbehave. 

I think maybe we should start eating off of crystal dinnerware, sterling silver flatware and linen tablecloths. 

Let's start dressing up and having dinner parties...sip our tea or coffee out of porcelain cups with saucers...should I take off my rose colored glasses yet?

Out of Control

Right now my life is upside down. My husband is working a billion hours and is never home. The kids are hyper active because of this crazy heat wave we are having in March and they have all of this bottled up energy that no matter how often they go outside they can't seem to work it off. My 94 year old Grandma has permanently moved into an assisted living home, the end of an era or as she has said, "What ever will be, will be" Because of  her downsizing, I've been working on average 5 hours a day at my Grandma's house getting things somewhat organized, thrown out or divided up. Because of not being home the house is behind. I have several raised gardens I need to build. I have to pull weeds that have grown during the winter months....? I have to hand skim the pool because we did not cover it last fall because the heat beat the crap out of the water and we gave up. My head is spinning and I'm chipping away slowly at each thing which makes it seem as though nothing is getting accomplished. I need to divide, attack and conquer. Which comes first? AHHHHHHHHH!!!

Flip Flops and Winter Boots

This winter is just absolutely insane! I know I keep talking about it on Facebook and have mentioned it a few times on here but what the heck is going on out there? Can Mother Nature pick a season? All of our closets look like some sort of explosion because of all of the extreme weather changes I can't seem to pack away any seasonal clothes but instead have to keep bringing out more and more. Today I had to bust out some summer clothes for the heat wave we had today. The coat area has been by far the most hit area. It looks like a tornado went through the utility closet! I have never seen such a thing! On the floor we have winter boots and flip flops and hanging up we have Winter coats and light weight jackets. Scarves, hats, gloves, umbrellas & sunglasses.
Then there's the outside. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do...garden? Weed? Yes...I said weed. Does anyone else have weeds in the flower beds that never died over winter? My weeds just kept growing and multiplying. I'm not quite sure what to do with them. Some of them might be perennials popping up and I'd hate to pull them up. This is where my organization in the flower bed haunts me. I've never marked what I put where and I (of course) lost my little Garden Diary where I wrote down everything that I planted.
I pruned our fruit trees today and topped off some bushes. Not sure if that is OK but I just wanted to do something outside that was productive. I also swept off the pool deck and pulled down my Morning Glories and cleaned up that area. Picked up branches here and there...the entire time I kept telling myself that it is only March!
One thing that bothers me are the amount of insects that are already outside. I've seen mosquito's already and today we were attacked by Ants in Tayla's room. I killed 8! To me that is an infestation! I about freaked...yuck! I'm not sure where they are coming from but they need to go back where they came from. This is not going to be a pleasant Summer I can already tell. I have a feeling it's going to be very hot and very buggy. I put up a Purple Martin 6 room house to hopefully keep down the insects on our 2 acres. Unfortunately I believe that the new tenants are NOT Purple Martins so I'm not sure what to do about this one. Shake the bird house and hope to God they don't attack?!?! Someone was talking about putting up bat houses...I saw some today at the store and I do believe that I will be purchasing some of these bad boys. Bats eat TONS of mosquitoes!
We will just have to play everything by ear. Hey, maybe we'll luck out and all of the insects will come out and then the temps drop and freeze them to death...that may help kill their population! I still am waiting for a snowstorm to come. Anything is possible!

Hoarders

The hoarding of a loved ones belongings after they have passed away or go to a home. Touchy subject. I almost was fearful to post a blog about this subject but I decided to put it out there to first of all help me think through this and secondly to warn others who have not been through such a thing. First of all I'd like to admit that I'm no saint when it comes to this subject. So here goes.
Why is it that after a loved one has left, there is a brief moment of silence between family members...and then possibly at any given moment their possessions become dive bombed. Every family member waits for their invitation for the taking and you lose all common sense and dignity of who you are and who your loved one was and you take what you want when you want without any trace of mannerisms. It's like a Black Friday sale with items being tossed up in the air, back and forth...some people come early in the morning to get the goods while others will prey on the evening attack. If there is one rule, that rule is that there is no long discussion regarding the items. The longest conversation you can have is, "Do you want this?" Whether you do or don't the typical response is, "No" and then the item is snatched as you gasp. As this process begins..you go in with a shoebox but then after a few days or maybe a week you start taking more and more and more. Things you don't even need you take because there's a memory attached to it. Sometimes there may be one family member who is able to withstand the urge of taking...they are known as the good ones. The strong ones.
Towards the end of the hoarding experience..family members become irate with each other over the materials and all hell breaks lose. Nice, eh?
I've gone through this twice. I'm in the process of going through it right  now. I'm trying to understand it. Why?  Don't get me wrong here, I'm no angel. I'm one of those possession hoarders myself. The worst scenario would be with my dad. He had no small items that were of importance to both him and me but large items. Large, ugly, junky tractors and engines. I still don't know what the heck the stuff was but all I knew was that he loved them. Because we hoarded so much crap of his we had to buy one of those makeshift temporary sheds to house the items over the winter. (The grass is still dead in that one spot by the way) Stupid! Why? A few years go by and after emotions have settled down you start looking at the stuff and wondering what the hell you're doing with all of it. You hide some that you've put on display, maybe give some stuff away, try to sell some other crap. All you want to do then is get rid of the stuff because you want space back and you're happy with just the memories along with some pictures.
Kind of funny how this is unavoidable. I guess you just have to be strong and fight the urge to hoard.

The Persistance of Time

Have you ever become so close to death that it takes your breath away every time you rethink the series of events leading up to that specific moment?  My cousin triggered the memories of one of those near death experiences by mentioning that she was going to The Home and Garden Show at the Memorial Coliseum. My heart froze. This would be where my very first (known) near death experience happened. I was working security for the Home and Garden Show one year. My position was to stand by one of the loading docks where there was a vendor unloading and my job was to secure the location to prevent anyone from coming through the entrance. The loading dock was on a slope and I was standing in front of the cab of the semi that they were unloading. Well...whoever parked the semi failed to put on some sort of emergency brake and the semi began rolling towards me. Now first of all, I was standing directly in front of the cab. We're talking maybe a few feet and this thing starts rolling and with no warning from anyone something made me turn my head and dive out of the way. I like to believe that my own personal guardian angel was protecting me! The engine of the semi was running so I couldn't hear a thing...in those few seconds by me just turning my head to look back I threw myself to the side with only a few scratches but a lifetime of remembrance.
The other time that I've replayed over and over again in my mind is the morning I almost got sandwiched between 2 semi's. It was early morning and I was commuting to work...little did I nor the other drivers know that on our perfectly dry highway there was a stretch which was the equivalant to an ice rink. Cars were spinning around going in ditches and in front of me I was driving towards a semi that was turned sideways on the highway...I presses, down shifted...did some sort of right maneuvering to slow down my vehicle and became feet from hitting the turned semi. As I sat in my car completely freaking out I look in my rear view mirror only to see a semi coming towards me sideways down the highway. I remember trying to think if I should get out of the car and run or just sit there. Well, I chose to stay and the semi ended up sliding across the median and hitting someone going the other way on the highway. I just started crying...I didn't want to drive anymore, but it's not like anyone could come and get me. I just kept driving...very slowly getting by all of the wrecked vehicles. I still don't know how I lucked out to not hit the person in front of me nor get slammed by anyone behind me. It's almost as if I was protected. Once again, my own personal angel was looking after me. It's amazing how time can either be on our side our against us. How seconds can give or take someones life. Time is precious. Don't waste it!

The Quest for Music

Fort Wayne lost a very special part of their music family this past week, Rock104's famous DJ Sharon Rossi.  I have many fond memories of listening to her voice on radio, but the most memorable would be listening to the Rock104 Concert Line. Back then this concert line was one of the very few resources of finding out about the up and coming concerts in the surrounding areas. Her voice gave me much excitement when she'd rattle off a particular band that would be playing in a near by venue...then the next step would be to collect friends, buy tickets and then wait until that joyous moment when you'd be in musical paradise!!
There's been a lot of comments regarding fond memories of her and music. Back when radio was popular and kids could be seen shuffling into Wooden Nickel, Karma Records or National Record Mart or if all else failed, Musicland to scope out their latest love.
Back then searching for music was a quest, a mission. Going into the music store was like being in the library(a library that had the latest release blaring) In each persons head there was pure silence and concentration. All that could be heard amongst the music was the flipping and clicking of plastic security holders of cassette tapes and/or if you could afford it CD's. Wooden Nickel would have the "Hard Cores" which would be the record flippers, which sometimes when you walked in you could only hear the light thump of people silently weeding through the albums.
I remember a few times before my older brother drove, we would have to walk for an  hour to the music store in search of that new release. It seemed as though we always went to the music store in groups, maybe because it was  more productive that way. You could then spread out and cover more territory in less time. I have to admit that I was always a follower of my brothers music, so I really hadn't that much to look for. I would let him do the work, purchase the cassette or CD and then I'd get to listen to it. If I was lucky, later on down the line he would make me a mix tape! So, at the record store I'd always become the first to become bored and I'm embarrassed to admit that I became of those poster flippers. I would hold out as long as I could waiting for my brother and friends to be finished with their chase, but they always took so long. I finally would give in and would flip through the posters which were held inside metal holders on the wall and I would disrupt the groove of every music seeker in the house with metal banging flipping sounds. Somehow they always knew that this was their cue to get ready to leave or else I'd be annoying them for the next half hour.

Oh those were the days. I'm so sad that our children of today will have no idea what it's like to make a trip to the music store. Fond memories. Sigh...

$tability

I worked for a television station for 13 years...began there when I had just turned 21. I grew up with this TV station...learned how to talk the talk and walk the walk. It gave me skills that no teacher could have taught. These skills were observing for 13 years how everything ran from the bottom all the way to the top. I learned that no matter how much I knew and that I could practically run the television station by myself (people joked about this often) that there was one thing that I couldn't do and that would be to keep my job stable or the entire front office for that matter. They upgraded our computer system...put us through extensive training on how to use it and then because of this same system they were able to take 41 television stations that they owned and take away most of the office personnel and place the jobs at 4 of the station. So my job in Ft.Wayne would be handled from one of the hubs in Illinois. Nice, eh?
This is happening everywhere. People work hard to make good money and you can have your job yanked at any time. Stability does not exist. Stability probably has never existed when it comes to employment.
My question is, "How can a family live in comfort knowing that at any moment the financial stability could be taken away?" I know people who have worked their whole entire lives harder than anyone and have not one penny to show for it. I also know of people who haven't worked a full time job in over a decade but somehow ARE financially stable and have many things to show for it. Don't get me started on these people.
I guess what we have to do is think positive, work hard, save every penny and stick together. Once again this brings up the question of, "When is it time for me to go back to work?" Another blog for another day. over and out!

Simplicity

In today's world you cannot be indecisive. If you are, you are pretty much screwed. I cannot even comprehend how my elders must feel with all of these added decisions that one must make. On my way to the grocery store today my mother in law threw in a simple request and asked if I could pick her up some butter. Something as simple as butter is a complex request. It could mean REAL butter, margarine, fake butter, half fat butter, lite butter, low fat, 1/3 less fat, whipped, churned, spreadable extra calcium, unsalted, salted..and then you have to know what size and form...Stick? Tub?
Block? Squeeze? Spray?
She saved me by making the wheels in my head stop turning and said, "Just get me regular Country Crock, medium size" whew...that was a close one!
It did get me thinking about how many complex decisions we have to make on a daily basis in today's world. Things (obviously) are not simple anymore and as time goes by we are dealt with more and more decision making that has to be done with more than just groceries.
I am probably one of the very few people who does not like all of these extra choices that we have to make in life. I like things simple and easy..basic. Life is stressful enough, why do they have to take one item and serve it up a hundred different ways?
One of my favorite gripes: Subway. I do believe that I am the only person in existence that still orders Subway Subs the old fashioned way: White, American Cheese, NOT toasted, salt pepper and oil. BAM! There you have it...every time I go there I'm embarrassed to order such a "basic" sub. Everyone else is getting Parmesan Herb Encrusted Subs toasted with Provolone cheeses and adding some crazy sauce to it...not to mention what's inside the sub: Sweet Onion Chicken Teriyaki????  No thanks. Me? I just order Ham...or Tuna.
I think I must have an old soul. I'm always longing for things to just be simple again. I'm not talking simple as in when Subway only had 2 types of breads or the cereal aisle took up only half of one side...I'm talking simple as in small groceries, tiny mom and pop stores with the only decisions of what you need. Kind of like Oleson's Mercantile General Store on Little House on the Prairie.

Post Holi-daze

My poor husband...Valentines Day has come and gone and I decide to spaz out on him leaving him in a Post Holi-Daze once again. This is how the conversation goes every gift giving holiday, Todd: What do you want for Valentines Day?? Me: Oh, don't waste our money...don't give me anything... Post Valentines Day...Me: YOU DIDN'T GET ME ANYTHING FOR VALENTINES DAY?!?!  Todd: But you said you didn't want anything...I'll go get you something.  Me: NO DON'T GET ME ANYTHING  Half a day later...Todd comes home from work empty handed Me: YOU DIDN'T GET ME ANYTHING?!?!?!  Well...now you understand what I mean by "Holi-daze" my poor sweet husband.

Another Celebrity...

So another celebrities tragic death has occured a few days ago, this time it was 48 year old Whitney Houston, who had battled drug and alcohol addiction for quite some time.
My question is, "Why did it happen????"
I'm a very strong willed person who has always been independent and I just can't seem to build up compassion for a person who overdosed on drugs. Yes, it's tragic...I'll agree to that, but I just don't get how a person can let themselves go like that. Where was everyone during her many years of going downhill did they just turn their heads? Too many people do this and it upsets me.
In a world where people are trying to do everything it takes to survive...why do we throw our sympathy towards someone who carelessly threw their lives away, especially when that person has all of the available resources to get the top of the line care and rehab. Why was Whitney Houston honored last night at the Grammys? If she was praised and loved so much by her celebrity family and fans, where were they while she was battling with her addictions? Of course this is pure speculation on my part...perhaps she died of natural causes...if so, then I apologize. I just had to get this out...

Adapting to Healthy Eating

It's been a week since my family has decided to incorporate healthier eating habits and to my surprise, it has gone over quite well. We need to make a few adjustments here and there but I'm very pleased with the overall results especially MY results!
I'm feeling a lot better and although I know it is too soon to see results but I feel like I've lost some weight! Weight loss is not the goal (which my brother constantly reminds me of)...our goal is to change our current eating habits to healthy eating habits.
After becoming a stay at home mom, I began cooking more homemade meals which I always considered to be healthier than serving up a frozen dinner or sticking an item in the crock pot all day and adding some simple boxed side items to go along with it.
Well, apparently I've been wrong. The meals that I've been serving have been filled with saturated fats, high calorie, high sugar, blah blah blah.  (you get my point)
Here are my top ten healthy eating notations for the week:

1) How did my kids did not notice the switch of 2% to Skim?
2) I now understand "Fish Tacos"  :)
3) How is it that I'm eating MORE...???
4) YOGA is back in my life!!!! It's been too long...I forgot what it was like to really BREATHE!!!
5) My kids love snacking on only healthy items??? (lite yogurt, pretzels, fruit)
6) NO BROWN RICE (inside joke between me and my husband)
7) Crystal Light on the go is my new best friend!
8) I used to consume THAT many calories??? Wow!
9) After eating fat free sour cream for the 10th time it starts tasting good...same with cottage cheese
10) We lost the remote to our TV and I still think my husband may have eaten it :)

When is it Time to Become Dependent???

It's both funny and frustrating watching both of my girls trying to reach higher and higher for the stars to independence. The other day while the bus was pulling up to the house I reached down to give Tayla a kiss and hug and she yelled, "STOP" and pushed me away and then giggled. She didn't want any of the kids on the bus to see her momma kissing or hugging her. As I waved good bye and walked up to the house I almost cried. Another milestone. She is now beginning the, "My Mom is Embarrassing Me" stage. How wonderful.
Nora is going through about a million little stages which all add up to: Independence. She's learning more and more everyday. I may cry right now as I'm typing this...my little girls are growing up too fast!
They're aiming for the stars and trying to catch every little bit of independence that they can collect.
All of this started to make me think about how throughout life we first aim to achieve our independence. Bit by bit we learn to become steady on our own. My question is, "When does it stop?"
My 94 year old grandma, who has been living on her own, in the same 2 story house since her children were born, is now facing this question, "Is it time to become dependent?" She's currently going through rehab due to a fall at her home. Nothing was broken and I'm not even sure she needs rehab. It actually may be a way to stall things out for awhile until the decisions are made. The decision that her children, whom became independent from her, now have to make the decision that I'm sure is not going to be easy. Does my mom need to be dependent?
So here we have a 3 and a 6  year old trying everything possible to gain it while my 94 year old grandma is trying everything possible not to lose it. What do you do? Should you fight until the end?  Should she be able to go back to her 2 story home and live? If her home is taken away from her and she goes to a retirement community, is that giving up or letting go? She does have short term memory loss due to a stroke which is hazardous but wouldn't she be the same a hazard to herself at an Independent Retirement Community? I know that the more independent my children become the stronger it makes them, will this make her weak?
Just some thought going through  my head of how she will handle whatever the outcome will be.
For now, she seems content and that makes me happy!

The Anti-Diet

Since my last blog, "Am I Just Fat?" I've been thinking...maybe a diet is not what I need. Obviously it does not work for me. Yesterday after posting, "Am I Just Fat?", it was an eye opener for me and very therapeutic getting the words out. Today I've come to a wonderful and happy decision to go on the Anti-Diet. To me a diet is something that is temporary. I plan on mildly changing my eating habits, cutting back portions, eating times and monitoring my fat and sugar intake.  This Anti-Diet I'm going on is life long. I figured maybe if I go into this knowing that it's a permanent change, then the possibilities of crashing won't be there since there is no pressure of a goal. I'm throwing everything out the window and starting new. I'm very excited about this because I'm only going to make slight changes which will make me feel like I'm not completely losing control.
I foresee three main problems for me:
1) Not eating anything after 7pm
2) Incorporating 15 minutes (in the beginning) of walking daily and/or Yoga
3) Eating Breakfast
I'm also going to be giving myself a salad plate for my dinners rather than a dinner plate which will help me with portion control.
Wish me luck!!!

By the way...if you do not have an exercise ball, I highly recommend getting one...this is one of my all time favorite stretches. It opens up the chest and takes pressure off of your neck and shoulders.

Am I Just Fat???

Well...here we go again...I'm jumping on the diet wagon. I'm so done with weight being a constant battle in my life, a battle that begun in my childhood. Back then I was known as, "Chubby" I used to think it was a result of my mom feeding us frozen breakfast, lunch, and dinners. She cooked until being diagnosed with Hypoglycemia and I think that cooking dinners for us and then cooking a special meal for herself became too much so we did the frozen meal thing. My brother, ate the same diet as me (plus some) but he was always in perfect shape with no fat on him. He wasn't ever really too skinny...he was just always normal. But then there was chubby me.
Then, later in my life my weight went something like this:
Gained weight...more... and more...dieted....lost weight...lost more...steady...gained...gained..gained...dieted...lost...lost...lost...steady...steady...gained...gained...gained..dieted...well...you get the picture.
I've tried (in no particular order)  fitness centers, Yoga classes, diet classes, fat free, low carb, starving myself, diet pills, diet drops.  One thing I can say is that they all work. They work just as well as any kind of self help smoking aid would...it helps you become the person you want to be by kicking the habit (or in my case the fat) but when it's time for you to maintain and go out there on your own...you sink.
One thing that I find funny is that I'm not an unhealthy eater. I know when people look at me and see how overweight I am they are thinking I'm someone who sits around and eats crap all day. That would be incorrect.
No, I do not "workout" but I like to think that running after my children, running around the house all day, cleaning, loading firewood, kindling, bricks, gardening, swimming, walking, pulling weeds could be considered as active...?
I just can't figure out how I've gained all of this weight and the one reason I've had for not wanting to go on a diet is because I know I'll end up exactly where I began.
I wish I could have someone follow me for a month and take note on my activities...ok..maybe not ALL my activities...and then also my eating habits and tell me what's wrong. I've had blood work done...nothing wrong there. I wish I could snap my finger and make this all go away.

For Girls Only!

Today I'm going to the girly doctor for my annual check up. I'm not sure how most women feel about this but it scares me to death! There are so many things that can go wrong with the female body and so far I've had somewhat of a clean slate so I feel as if one of these visits I'm going to strike out.
Cancer is so common these days especially around women in my age group that I can't help constantly being paranoid, "Do I have....it?"   My mother has had both Cervical Dysplasia and a few years later Uterine Cancer...she almost struck out but then dodged the bullet. Having my mom diagnosed with both of these "Girly Cancers" only increases my risk for them which increases my already paranoid dramatic nature.
My favorite part is how it takes weeks to get the results of the pap back and they say, "We'll let you know one way or the other what the results are in a few weeks." That's nice.  It cracks me up that in a world where there is streaming video, iPhones, Kindles, Digital EVERYTHING but yet it still takes weeks to get lab results back.
Hopefully this will be the last discussion on this subject until next year. Over and out.

Do I Look Lost???

So today, while Nora and I were chowing down some donuts from Butler's Bakery, I spotted a guy with a Jesus hat on outside. I could smell it instantly as he gave us the stare down...he opened the door, "NOOOOOO" I thought to myself, but then it happened. He came straight for us, hands me a card with a Bible passage on it and says, "Jesus Christ is the Lord and Savior, please take this and be blessed. "So the beyatch in me instantly got pissed  that he caught me in mid chomp on my donut. Most importantly the fact that he imposed upon me and my daughter, solicited and thought maybe for some reason that we needed saved or were non-Christian.  I answered very rudely, "No Thanks!" "May God bless you" he said, and then walked towards Mr.Donut Guy behind the counter, recited the same thing but of course Mr.Donut Guy had to make me look bad and accepted the piece of paper and smiled at the Jesus man. But, he did throw the piece of paper away as soon as Jesus guy walked out the door.Un
Anyway, my question is...did I look lost? Did I look UN-Christian? Did I appear as though I needed to read whatever the Bible passage was at that very moment? What gives people the right to shove their Christian beliefs upon others? Not to mention soliciting religion to paying customers in a donut shop? I've had this happen to me before as I'm sure just about everyone has, but this guy appeared at the wrong time, at the wrong place and solicited the wrong person.
I wanted to tell this Jesus guy that I believe in God and Jesus Christ and that I've read the Bible several times  and that I was a Christian and had gone to a Lutheran church since I was practically born. I've been baptized and confirmed, went to a private school for 9 years...I may even know more about the Lord Jesus Christ than he did so what gave HIM the right to come up to me and pass judgement thinking that I was lost?
What if I wasn't Christian? What is he wasn't Christian? If he were Satanic or Jewish would Mr. Donut guy have accepted his piece of paper?  Would that piss people off just as pissed as I was regarding someone shoving Christianity in my face?
I have 2 simple rules that I live by:
1) Religion is private
2) Politics are private
I wish more people felt the same. :)

Sick...again!

I can't believe I'm sick...again!!! I do believe I have caught my little daughters cold, but of course it has mutated itself into something a little harsher. This always seems to happen, it's like the illnesses in our family get larger and larger like a downhill snowball. I'll never forget the morning that Tayla was sick for like a minute and then when it came around and was my turn I was down and out for 2 days. I did lose some weight, though! :)
What's funny is that when I was working full-time and was always on the go, I was never sick. Amazing.
I've often wondered if this is a stay at home mom thing...I guess there's got to be some down sides to it.

A Difficult Time is a Blessing

Around this time of year I'm grumpy, tired, unmotivated and do nothing but sleep. It usually takes me the second week to come to the realization as to what is occurring. Three years ago, I went through what most people would not want to go through, mixed emotions from one extreme to another. I gave birth to the most beautiful baby girl and then 3 days later my dad passed away.
This was a time of joy and sorrow. Maybe as the years grow, the anxiety will diminish when this time of year comes around and I'll be able to celebrate my daughters birthday without the underlying feeling of knowing that deep sorrow was mixed in with it. I feel as though she's been cheated because the date of her birth and my dads death are so close together. It's hard to celebrate and then grieve for me especially since I'm such a dramatic person. (Scorpio)
To begin, it was the happiest of times. I will never forget the snowstorm that came across trapping me and my little baby Nora in the hospital one more day. Everything was white and heavenly and I was holding the most precious little angel in my arms...it was just me and her and as far as I was concerned it was the closest thing to heaven that I'll ever feel while on Earth.
Then it happened, the next day my worst nightmare came true. I'd known my dad was not doing well and that his time was short but I had hoped that he had a few weeks left. The cancer was just taking over too fast. A few hours after we arrived home and my husband had to leave to rescue the restaurant, I received the call. My brother telephoned to let me know that my dad was going down hill fast and that he wasn't expected to make it much longer. He asked if I could come to Ft.Wayne, to the nursing home, to be with him and my mother. My world collapsed, all happiness was instantly zapped and I was home alone with my newborn daughter and my 3 year old. I was unable to drive and Todd was working and my dad was dying. I felt trapped, not knowing if I should stay or go...luckily, the way that everything fell into place I had no choice but to stay at home.  I couldn't drive, my ankles at this point were swollen beyond belief and the roads were getting bad due to another snowstorm.
I didn't get much sleep that night wondering what was going with my dad...I remember I kept calling my brother and talking to my mom. Then Nora would wake and I had to comfort her (I think she comforted me)
The next day my brother said that my dad was still hanging on and everything snapped into place and I remember being on the Highway with both kids in the car, Todd driving, I looked at him and said, "This is so surreal, you're driving me to say goodbye to my dad"
Well, I said goodbye to him, stayed by his side for most of the day (as long as my ankles could take it) then I said goodbye knowing that was the last time I'd see him alive. My dad died 4 hours later that night. I think he was hanging on until I could say goodbye and until he got to "see" his little newborn grandchild. I like to think that he knew she was there even though there was no response from him.
 At this point, still to this day, I have no idea what medication the doctor gave me but I didn't cry once...in fact, the medication made me higher than a kite and I was actually smiling and laughing at the Funeral and I've never told anyone this but it actually took me months to start crying and almost a year to start mourning.

For the first time last month I went to his graveside by myself and wept. It felt good.
After the funeral was over and weeks passed there was a light that always shined on us, her name was Nora. She was our little angel that brought joy and  happiness at such a miserable time...it was so nice to see my mom smile when I brought her over. So that is how we made a difficult time into a blessing.

The Winter??? ...Blahhhhhhs

I have what may appear as the winter blah,s but only due to the fact that there is NO winter. This would be the year that winter has skipped itself. Everything is dormant and dead looking...the leaves have dropped and we are having ongoing Spring like rain and temperatures making it a new season I like to call, "Faspring."  There has been the occasional snowstorm which blankets the Earth covering up and making it appear as though winter has come, but then with rising temps the next day POOF! All traces of winter have disappeared leaving the soggy, dormant grass and naked fields bare and exposed once again. There's a reason why winter graces itself upon us and that would be to cover things up until Spring is ready to make the greenery POP.  So with this being said, I believe I probably would have what would be called, "Seasonal Depression" but only because of the lack there of. :)

My Little Big Girl, Tayla

Recently Tayla and I had a discussion about how she's going through just the beginning (Round 1) of tough times. Both she and I are having difficulties, because she's too old to be treated like a little person and she's too little to be treated like an older girl. This makes it tough on how to discipline both her and Nora for the same punishment. Tayla knows better about certain do's and don'ts but little Nora is still on her way of learning. So I tend to yell at Tayla more about things (which probably isn't fair at all) but Nora isn't old enough to know how to defend herself or even act sneaky or pull a fast one on her sister. Maybe once Tayla discovers the benefits of being an older sibling, she'll be able to accept it more. But, until then, she says she wants to be Nora and stay at home with momma all day long and not go to school. What is a mother to do but be flattered when their child says such a thing...but instead, I explained to her how wonderful it is to be a big sister and how wonderful she is at it.

Sunday...the Day of Rest

My Grandmother told about how back in the day, she and her family did NOTHING but go to church on Sundays. Why? Because it was considered the "Day of Rest."  This was back in the old school days when  nothing was open and all there was to do was go to church, go home or maybe visit with friends. I believe that the Amish are the only people who still practice this tradition...what a smart bunch of people!
So I began thinking, "Why don't we have a day of rest??" With all of the hustle and bustle that we do nowadays with working, sporting, gaming, texting, all of the ing's....I do declare that Sunday should be "ing-less" Wouldn't that be nice? For me that would mean no dishes(dishing), picking up after the children, bathing, washing clothes-ing, gardening...my question is, "What would we do??"   First of all, for this to happen, someone would have to medically sedate me in order to get me to do nothing.  My brain would probably then feel as though it turned to mush and you'd see drool dripping off the side of my mouth.
Well, I guess what sounds like a good idea probably worked back in the old school days but in todays world it would be impossible and more of a loss rather than a relaxation. Time is more precious, communication is demanded and all of the "ings" are being done daily because it's what comes natural to us in today's society.
So I'll continue to go about especially right now with my bloggING. :)

To Snowman or Not?

Well, I thought I'd give this blog thing a try since I have the time and resources to scrounge up the occasional thought.  I've been wanting to start a blog ever since my brother, Bryan, sarcastically mentioned that I had quite a "Blog" going on with my Facebook site, meaning, you're placing too many posts on there!
I'm happy with being a stay at home mom but one of the down side is, that you also have no contact with the outside world and have minimal conversation with people over the age of 6. With this being said , it is enticing to place updates on your status every 2 minutes on Facebook, because it gives you the feeling as if you're actually communicating with friends, especially when they post on your updates! Yes, I'm being dramatic but I'm good at it.
The big question today is, "To Snowman or to Not Snowman????" Tayla is 6 and Nora almost 3 and because of global warming and winds and cold temperatures with every winter there is never a perfect mixture for snowman weather. Well, today we'll make yet another attempt to build a snowman...fingers crossed that the snow is the appropriate density. Well...we're off!!