The Quest for Music

Fort Wayne lost a very special part of their music family this past week, Rock104's famous DJ Sharon Rossi.  I have many fond memories of listening to her voice on radio, but the most memorable would be listening to the Rock104 Concert Line. Back then this concert line was one of the very few resources of finding out about the up and coming concerts in the surrounding areas. Her voice gave me much excitement when she'd rattle off a particular band that would be playing in a near by venue...then the next step would be to collect friends, buy tickets and then wait until that joyous moment when you'd be in musical paradise!!
There's been a lot of comments regarding fond memories of her and music. Back when radio was popular and kids could be seen shuffling into Wooden Nickel, Karma Records or National Record Mart or if all else failed, Musicland to scope out their latest love.
Back then searching for music was a quest, a mission. Going into the music store was like being in the library(a library that had the latest release blaring) In each persons head there was pure silence and concentration. All that could be heard amongst the music was the flipping and clicking of plastic security holders of cassette tapes and/or if you could afford it CD's. Wooden Nickel would have the "Hard Cores" which would be the record flippers, which sometimes when you walked in you could only hear the light thump of people silently weeding through the albums.
I remember a few times before my older brother drove, we would have to walk for an  hour to the music store in search of that new release. It seemed as though we always went to the music store in groups, maybe because it was  more productive that way. You could then spread out and cover more territory in less time. I have to admit that I was always a follower of my brothers music, so I really hadn't that much to look for. I would let him do the work, purchase the cassette or CD and then I'd get to listen to it. If I was lucky, later on down the line he would make me a mix tape! So, at the record store I'd always become the first to become bored and I'm embarrassed to admit that I became of those poster flippers. I would hold out as long as I could waiting for my brother and friends to be finished with their chase, but they always took so long. I finally would give in and would flip through the posters which were held inside metal holders on the wall and I would disrupt the groove of every music seeker in the house with metal banging flipping sounds. Somehow they always knew that this was their cue to get ready to leave or else I'd be annoying them for the next half hour.

Oh those were the days. I'm so sad that our children of today will have no idea what it's like to make a trip to the music store. Fond memories. Sigh...

$tability

I worked for a television station for 13 years...began there when I had just turned 21. I grew up with this TV station...learned how to talk the talk and walk the walk. It gave me skills that no teacher could have taught. These skills were observing for 13 years how everything ran from the bottom all the way to the top. I learned that no matter how much I knew and that I could practically run the television station by myself (people joked about this often) that there was one thing that I couldn't do and that would be to keep my job stable or the entire front office for that matter. They upgraded our computer system...put us through extensive training on how to use it and then because of this same system they were able to take 41 television stations that they owned and take away most of the office personnel and place the jobs at 4 of the station. So my job in Ft.Wayne would be handled from one of the hubs in Illinois. Nice, eh?
This is happening everywhere. People work hard to make good money and you can have your job yanked at any time. Stability does not exist. Stability probably has never existed when it comes to employment.
My question is, "How can a family live in comfort knowing that at any moment the financial stability could be taken away?" I know people who have worked their whole entire lives harder than anyone and have not one penny to show for it. I also know of people who haven't worked a full time job in over a decade but somehow ARE financially stable and have many things to show for it. Don't get me started on these people.
I guess what we have to do is think positive, work hard, save every penny and stick together. Once again this brings up the question of, "When is it time for me to go back to work?" Another blog for another day. over and out!

Simplicity

In today's world you cannot be indecisive. If you are, you are pretty much screwed. I cannot even comprehend how my elders must feel with all of these added decisions that one must make. On my way to the grocery store today my mother in law threw in a simple request and asked if I could pick her up some butter. Something as simple as butter is a complex request. It could mean REAL butter, margarine, fake butter, half fat butter, lite butter, low fat, 1/3 less fat, whipped, churned, spreadable extra calcium, unsalted, salted..and then you have to know what size and form...Stick? Tub?
Block? Squeeze? Spray?
She saved me by making the wheels in my head stop turning and said, "Just get me regular Country Crock, medium size" whew...that was a close one!
It did get me thinking about how many complex decisions we have to make on a daily basis in today's world. Things (obviously) are not simple anymore and as time goes by we are dealt with more and more decision making that has to be done with more than just groceries.
I am probably one of the very few people who does not like all of these extra choices that we have to make in life. I like things simple and easy..basic. Life is stressful enough, why do they have to take one item and serve it up a hundred different ways?
One of my favorite gripes: Subway. I do believe that I am the only person in existence that still orders Subway Subs the old fashioned way: White, American Cheese, NOT toasted, salt pepper and oil. BAM! There you have it...every time I go there I'm embarrassed to order such a "basic" sub. Everyone else is getting Parmesan Herb Encrusted Subs toasted with Provolone cheeses and adding some crazy sauce to it...not to mention what's inside the sub: Sweet Onion Chicken Teriyaki????  No thanks. Me? I just order Ham...or Tuna.
I think I must have an old soul. I'm always longing for things to just be simple again. I'm not talking simple as in when Subway only had 2 types of breads or the cereal aisle took up only half of one side...I'm talking simple as in small groceries, tiny mom and pop stores with the only decisions of what you need. Kind of like Oleson's Mercantile General Store on Little House on the Prairie.

Post Holi-daze

My poor husband...Valentines Day has come and gone and I decide to spaz out on him leaving him in a Post Holi-Daze once again. This is how the conversation goes every gift giving holiday, Todd: What do you want for Valentines Day?? Me: Oh, don't waste our money...don't give me anything... Post Valentines Day...Me: YOU DIDN'T GET ME ANYTHING FOR VALENTINES DAY?!?!  Todd: But you said you didn't want anything...I'll go get you something.  Me: NO DON'T GET ME ANYTHING  Half a day later...Todd comes home from work empty handed Me: YOU DIDN'T GET ME ANYTHING?!?!?!  Well...now you understand what I mean by "Holi-daze" my poor sweet husband.

Another Celebrity...

So another celebrities tragic death has occured a few days ago, this time it was 48 year old Whitney Houston, who had battled drug and alcohol addiction for quite some time.
My question is, "Why did it happen????"
I'm a very strong willed person who has always been independent and I just can't seem to build up compassion for a person who overdosed on drugs. Yes, it's tragic...I'll agree to that, but I just don't get how a person can let themselves go like that. Where was everyone during her many years of going downhill did they just turn their heads? Too many people do this and it upsets me.
In a world where people are trying to do everything it takes to survive...why do we throw our sympathy towards someone who carelessly threw their lives away, especially when that person has all of the available resources to get the top of the line care and rehab. Why was Whitney Houston honored last night at the Grammys? If she was praised and loved so much by her celebrity family and fans, where were they while she was battling with her addictions? Of course this is pure speculation on my part...perhaps she died of natural causes...if so, then I apologize. I just had to get this out...

Adapting to Healthy Eating

It's been a week since my family has decided to incorporate healthier eating habits and to my surprise, it has gone over quite well. We need to make a few adjustments here and there but I'm very pleased with the overall results especially MY results!
I'm feeling a lot better and although I know it is too soon to see results but I feel like I've lost some weight! Weight loss is not the goal (which my brother constantly reminds me of)...our goal is to change our current eating habits to healthy eating habits.
After becoming a stay at home mom, I began cooking more homemade meals which I always considered to be healthier than serving up a frozen dinner or sticking an item in the crock pot all day and adding some simple boxed side items to go along with it.
Well, apparently I've been wrong. The meals that I've been serving have been filled with saturated fats, high calorie, high sugar, blah blah blah.  (you get my point)
Here are my top ten healthy eating notations for the week:

1) How did my kids did not notice the switch of 2% to Skim?
2) I now understand "Fish Tacos"  :)
3) How is it that I'm eating MORE...???
4) YOGA is back in my life!!!! It's been too long...I forgot what it was like to really BREATHE!!!
5) My kids love snacking on only healthy items??? (lite yogurt, pretzels, fruit)
6) NO BROWN RICE (inside joke between me and my husband)
7) Crystal Light on the go is my new best friend!
8) I used to consume THAT many calories??? Wow!
9) After eating fat free sour cream for the 10th time it starts tasting good...same with cottage cheese
10) We lost the remote to our TV and I still think my husband may have eaten it :)

When is it Time to Become Dependent???

It's both funny and frustrating watching both of my girls trying to reach higher and higher for the stars to independence. The other day while the bus was pulling up to the house I reached down to give Tayla a kiss and hug and she yelled, "STOP" and pushed me away and then giggled. She didn't want any of the kids on the bus to see her momma kissing or hugging her. As I waved good bye and walked up to the house I almost cried. Another milestone. She is now beginning the, "My Mom is Embarrassing Me" stage. How wonderful.
Nora is going through about a million little stages which all add up to: Independence. She's learning more and more everyday. I may cry right now as I'm typing this...my little girls are growing up too fast!
They're aiming for the stars and trying to catch every little bit of independence that they can collect.
All of this started to make me think about how throughout life we first aim to achieve our independence. Bit by bit we learn to become steady on our own. My question is, "When does it stop?"
My 94 year old grandma, who has been living on her own, in the same 2 story house since her children were born, is now facing this question, "Is it time to become dependent?" She's currently going through rehab due to a fall at her home. Nothing was broken and I'm not even sure she needs rehab. It actually may be a way to stall things out for awhile until the decisions are made. The decision that her children, whom became independent from her, now have to make the decision that I'm sure is not going to be easy. Does my mom need to be dependent?
So here we have a 3 and a 6  year old trying everything possible to gain it while my 94 year old grandma is trying everything possible not to lose it. What do you do? Should you fight until the end?  Should she be able to go back to her 2 story home and live? If her home is taken away from her and she goes to a retirement community, is that giving up or letting go? She does have short term memory loss due to a stroke which is hazardous but wouldn't she be the same a hazard to herself at an Independent Retirement Community? I know that the more independent my children become the stronger it makes them, will this make her weak?
Just some thought going through  my head of how she will handle whatever the outcome will be.
For now, she seems content and that makes me happy!

The Anti-Diet

Since my last blog, "Am I Just Fat?" I've been thinking...maybe a diet is not what I need. Obviously it does not work for me. Yesterday after posting, "Am I Just Fat?", it was an eye opener for me and very therapeutic getting the words out. Today I've come to a wonderful and happy decision to go on the Anti-Diet. To me a diet is something that is temporary. I plan on mildly changing my eating habits, cutting back portions, eating times and monitoring my fat and sugar intake.  This Anti-Diet I'm going on is life long. I figured maybe if I go into this knowing that it's a permanent change, then the possibilities of crashing won't be there since there is no pressure of a goal. I'm throwing everything out the window and starting new. I'm very excited about this because I'm only going to make slight changes which will make me feel like I'm not completely losing control.
I foresee three main problems for me:
1) Not eating anything after 7pm
2) Incorporating 15 minutes (in the beginning) of walking daily and/or Yoga
3) Eating Breakfast
I'm also going to be giving myself a salad plate for my dinners rather than a dinner plate which will help me with portion control.
Wish me luck!!!

By the way...if you do not have an exercise ball, I highly recommend getting one...this is one of my all time favorite stretches. It opens up the chest and takes pressure off of your neck and shoulders.

Am I Just Fat???

Well...here we go again...I'm jumping on the diet wagon. I'm so done with weight being a constant battle in my life, a battle that begun in my childhood. Back then I was known as, "Chubby" I used to think it was a result of my mom feeding us frozen breakfast, lunch, and dinners. She cooked until being diagnosed with Hypoglycemia and I think that cooking dinners for us and then cooking a special meal for herself became too much so we did the frozen meal thing. My brother, ate the same diet as me (plus some) but he was always in perfect shape with no fat on him. He wasn't ever really too skinny...he was just always normal. But then there was chubby me.
Then, later in my life my weight went something like this:
Gained weight...more... and more...dieted....lost weight...lost more...steady...gained...gained..gained...dieted...lost...lost...lost...steady...steady...gained...gained...gained..dieted...well...you get the picture.
I've tried (in no particular order)  fitness centers, Yoga classes, diet classes, fat free, low carb, starving myself, diet pills, diet drops.  One thing I can say is that they all work. They work just as well as any kind of self help smoking aid would...it helps you become the person you want to be by kicking the habit (or in my case the fat) but when it's time for you to maintain and go out there on your own...you sink.
One thing that I find funny is that I'm not an unhealthy eater. I know when people look at me and see how overweight I am they are thinking I'm someone who sits around and eats crap all day. That would be incorrect.
No, I do not "workout" but I like to think that running after my children, running around the house all day, cleaning, loading firewood, kindling, bricks, gardening, swimming, walking, pulling weeds could be considered as active...?
I just can't figure out how I've gained all of this weight and the one reason I've had for not wanting to go on a diet is because I know I'll end up exactly where I began.
I wish I could have someone follow me for a month and take note on my activities...ok..maybe not ALL my activities...and then also my eating habits and tell me what's wrong. I've had blood work done...nothing wrong there. I wish I could snap my finger and make this all go away.

For Girls Only!

Today I'm going to the girly doctor for my annual check up. I'm not sure how most women feel about this but it scares me to death! There are so many things that can go wrong with the female body and so far I've had somewhat of a clean slate so I feel as if one of these visits I'm going to strike out.
Cancer is so common these days especially around women in my age group that I can't help constantly being paranoid, "Do I have....it?"   My mother has had both Cervical Dysplasia and a few years later Uterine Cancer...she almost struck out but then dodged the bullet. Having my mom diagnosed with both of these "Girly Cancers" only increases my risk for them which increases my already paranoid dramatic nature.
My favorite part is how it takes weeks to get the results of the pap back and they say, "We'll let you know one way or the other what the results are in a few weeks." That's nice.  It cracks me up that in a world where there is streaming video, iPhones, Kindles, Digital EVERYTHING but yet it still takes weeks to get lab results back.
Hopefully this will be the last discussion on this subject until next year. Over and out.

Do I Look Lost???

So today, while Nora and I were chowing down some donuts from Butler's Bakery, I spotted a guy with a Jesus hat on outside. I could smell it instantly as he gave us the stare down...he opened the door, "NOOOOOO" I thought to myself, but then it happened. He came straight for us, hands me a card with a Bible passage on it and says, "Jesus Christ is the Lord and Savior, please take this and be blessed. "So the beyatch in me instantly got pissed  that he caught me in mid chomp on my donut. Most importantly the fact that he imposed upon me and my daughter, solicited and thought maybe for some reason that we needed saved or were non-Christian.  I answered very rudely, "No Thanks!" "May God bless you" he said, and then walked towards Mr.Donut Guy behind the counter, recited the same thing but of course Mr.Donut Guy had to make me look bad and accepted the piece of paper and smiled at the Jesus man. But, he did throw the piece of paper away as soon as Jesus guy walked out the door.Un
Anyway, my question is...did I look lost? Did I look UN-Christian? Did I appear as though I needed to read whatever the Bible passage was at that very moment? What gives people the right to shove their Christian beliefs upon others? Not to mention soliciting religion to paying customers in a donut shop? I've had this happen to me before as I'm sure just about everyone has, but this guy appeared at the wrong time, at the wrong place and solicited the wrong person.
I wanted to tell this Jesus guy that I believe in God and Jesus Christ and that I've read the Bible several times  and that I was a Christian and had gone to a Lutheran church since I was practically born. I've been baptized and confirmed, went to a private school for 9 years...I may even know more about the Lord Jesus Christ than he did so what gave HIM the right to come up to me and pass judgement thinking that I was lost?
What if I wasn't Christian? What is he wasn't Christian? If he were Satanic or Jewish would Mr. Donut guy have accepted his piece of paper?  Would that piss people off just as pissed as I was regarding someone shoving Christianity in my face?
I have 2 simple rules that I live by:
1) Religion is private
2) Politics are private
I wish more people felt the same. :)