I don't often like to talk about the pain that I'm in but lately it's been overpowering me and I need an escape for it to leave my body...maybe this will help.
For as young as I am, and for the amount of pain that I am in...I'm not looking to becoming old..well older.
A car accident when I was 3 months pregnant, has permanently damaged my left sacroiliac joint, my L5, and my left heel hasn't had any feeling in it for 4 years since the accident.
I thank God that Nora and Tayla were both unharmed!
But now I live with pain everyday of my life. Sometimes the pain is there but not significant and other times it's almost completely unbearable.
I've been through 5 months of physical therapy, 1 month of chiropractic therapy, pain management, prescriptions,cortisone injections, yoga, expensive shoes, I've exercised...all with no relief. Some things made the pain worsen...some made it stay the same but nothing makes it leave my body. It's always there and when I'm weak the pain becomes intense such as this morning. I tell my husband or my kids that my back hurts or my hip hurts but their aren't enough words to describe the intense pain that is felt with every step.
I have to keep moving...I have to keep going and purge out the unbearable pain and focus on my family and things that need to be taken care of around the house.
Sometimes I feel as though I've been beaten to the ground and it takes everything I have to pull myself up, stand tall and continue on with a smile.
I grew up with a mother who was always in pain...I don't want to be that mother to my children. I want to be strong for them...I want to cry when I hear my 3 year old mimic me by saying that her "hip hurts"
Is there any way out? Will it get worse? Am I just losing pain tolerance? Does anyone know? These are questions I ask myself all of the time. Sometimes when I'm talking with someone and I get a stabbing feeling in my joint I "go somewhere" in hopes that they don't notice. Sometimes I can't follow a conversation because of this. Sometimes I get nervous.
It's funny the amount of damage that can be done to ones entire life because of 2 teenagers careless driving.
I still laugh at the settlement that our "top of the line" attorney got for us. $8000 was our "take home $". I'd like to take that money and throw it in every one's face. I often wonder if the driver even knows that I still think about that accident all of the time. That I'm still feeling that accident. I love hearing stories of people who bank off of "accidents" claiming false injuries. If I could, I would love to somehow bottle up 4 years of pain and have them drink the poison.
Enough feeling this way...I have a day to greet...kids to take care of...weeds to pull...laundry to clean...blah blah blah...the day will not stop for my pain. As I've always told my father, "STAND TALL"
