The Cost of Pain

I don't often like to talk about the pain that I'm in but lately it's been overpowering me and I need an escape for it to leave my body...maybe this will help.
For as young as I am, and for the amount of pain that I am in...I'm not looking to becoming old..well older.
A car accident when I was 3 months pregnant, has permanently damaged my left sacroiliac joint, my L5, and   my left heel hasn't had any feeling in it for 4 years since the accident.
I thank God that Nora and Tayla were both unharmed!
But now I live with pain everyday of  my life. Sometimes the pain is there but not significant and other times it's almost completely unbearable.
I've been through 5 months of physical therapy, 1 month of chiropractic therapy, pain management, prescriptions,cortisone injections, yoga, expensive shoes, I've exercised...all with no relief. Some things made the pain worsen...some made it stay the same but nothing makes it leave my body. It's always there and when I'm weak the pain becomes intense such as this morning. I tell my husband or my kids that my back hurts or my hip hurts but their aren't enough words to describe the intense pain that is felt with every step.
I have to keep moving...I have to keep going and purge out the unbearable pain and focus on my family and things that need to be taken care of around the house.
Sometimes I feel as though I've been beaten to the ground and it takes everything I have to pull myself up, stand tall and continue on with a smile.
I grew up with a mother who was always in pain...I don't want to be that mother to my children. I want to be strong for them...I want to cry when I hear my 3 year old mimic me by saying that her "hip hurts"
Is there any way out? Will it get worse? Am I just losing pain tolerance? Does anyone know? These are questions I ask myself all of the time. Sometimes when I'm talking with someone and I get a stabbing feeling in my joint I "go somewhere" in hopes that they don't notice. Sometimes I can't follow a conversation because of this. Sometimes I get nervous.
 It's funny the amount of damage that can be done to ones entire life because of 2 teenagers careless driving.
I still laugh at the settlement that our "top of the line" attorney got for us. $8000 was our "take home $". I'd like to take that money and throw it in every one's face. I often wonder if the driver even knows that I still think about that accident all of the time. That I'm still feeling that accident. I love hearing stories of people who bank off of "accidents" claiming false injuries. If I could, I would love to somehow bottle up 4 years of pain and have them drink the poison.
Enough feeling this way...I have a day to greet...kids to take care of...weeds to pull...laundry to clean...blah blah blah...the day will not stop for my pain. As I've always told my father, "STAND TALL"

Busy Busy Busy

The girls are spent and waiting for summer arrival so they can swim and play non-stop...stay up late and sleep in. For me, this means 3 months of a non-structured, chaotic whirl wind of a summer. I'm a rather structured, routine person so when the summer comes things get a little crazy for me. I like to know where the day is headed so I'm aware of a beginning and end point. Haha...I know...it's anal but it's all I got. So, because my kids are kids I throw out routine and structure during the summer and we play everything by ear which usually results in me losing my mind more so than I already have. I do have to admit that I am looking forward to the sleeping in part mainly because I've been staying up until the wee hours of the morning catering to my new addiction: Law & Order: Criminal Intent!  (I'm a little behind the times with my TV shows)
This summer should be interesting with a new addition to the Myers family: Sophie! A 4 month old German Shepherd we rescued from a shelter. I know nothing about dogs but I must be doing something right because she seems to be very loyal to me and listens to what I tell her to do more than anyone. Maybe it's fear because she hears me scream at the kids all of the time. She's a very smart little pup and we hope to train her well.
I've been so busy with everything that I haven't blogged for quite sometime. A lot has happened since my last post. We cleared everything out of my Grandma's house with a semi-productive garage sale last weekend. The only thing left I have to get is her antique Mahogany Hutch which is BEAUTIFUL! I'm looking forward to stocking it with my precious items and I can't wait to decorate the top with 2 beautiful vintage glass cubed buffet lamps I got for $1 at a garage sale! I would have loved to have had the beautiful Duncan and Phyfe Dining Room table and chairs to go along with it but who has dining rooms anymore?
I've also been busy gardening, gardening and more gardening. Transplanting perennials here and there and everywhere!
I also transplanted a mystery tree from our woods to the front and some wild raspberries!
I'll have pictures to post of everything at a later time!
For now...I'm ready to head back outside and begin my morning with some weeding before it rains.

If Only a House Could Speak

If only a house could speak...oh the stories it would tell...
It would tell of times when lives were young before all innocence fell...
The sound of children's pitter patter throughout the house...
When ruffles flowed down a pressed ironed blouse...
When the Bible was taught and manners learned...
When work was hard, times were tough, lives were turned...
It would speak of strength a family has...
A time when neighbors were neighborly as...
The freshly planted roses along the picket fence...
Now shows traces of neglect...the weeping flowers are tense...
For times have come and gone throughout this home...
It holds so many memories which can be shone...
The love, the laughter, the brilliance passed on...
To the next contender..from dusk til dawn...
It's the "End of an Era" time to say, "Good Bye"...
I know it's tough and tears have run dry...
Good Bye, Good Bye, Good Bye, Good Bye.
 ~Lisa D. Myers

Soley We Sink

In this world of communication, sometimes it seems as though our real thoughts and words are misinterpreted. We have every communication device known to mankind...with our SmartPhones, PM's, IM's, Email, Blogs, Facebook, Texts you'd think that we would be able to coordinate dates and thoughts, issues and precise feelings to the T...but instead it seems as though our conversations couldn't be any more lost than they are right now. Why is that? Could it be that we now rely soley on using only these devices to communicate and losing our abilities to phyiscally talk with a person. Points, feelings, decisions, etc are all taken out of context while in print. You can read the same sentence and depending on what your mood is it will in fact reflect upon what the text reads. This is why it is so important for us to pick up the phone and call one another to engage in a little old-fashioned thing known as conversation. It's wonderful how the communication flows so much more smoothly while conversing. So, right now, as I Blog...I would like to be the first person to notate that I'm taking it back old school and will not try my hardest to use the old fashioned telly or face to face conversations with others instead of trying to read into their texts. Wish me luck!

Wishy Washy People

I'm at a point in my life where if I've pissed you off you need to be upfront and let me know. I don't have time for these childish ignoring games. My pet peeve is when people just are not upfront with me. If you're pissed, then say something...let's resolve it and move on. Simple as that. It's a lot easier than spending a year or so walking on egg shells with a person wondering when they'll get over whatever the hell they're upset about. I especially am annoyed when it's an ongoing, reoccurring issue with the same people...over and over and over again. I make an effort to resolve things. It's healthier and less stressful that way. Life is hard enough without having to worry about wishy washy people. What do others do with these kind of people in their lives. Ignore them and wait for them to come around on their own terms and then you have to pretend as if nothings wrong? As if you haven't been ignored for a year? Seriously, I'm going to start cutting people loose when this happens especially when it's the same person over and over again. There has to become a point where enough is enough. It seems to me to be a type of abusive friendship. lol

White Gloves and Posture

Words cannot describe the love I have for the lifestyle once lived by those before the 50's! This would be when people actually took pride in what they wore and even if they only had one good dress that is what they wore when going out and it was fabulous! Women in white gloves and dresses with posture and manners. Kids dressed up and behaved...men dressed in their Sundays best when dining out, going to church...while in the public. Everything that people owned was cherished and had value. People respected each other...and were polite. Entertainment was minimal and work was hard but still more pride seemed to exist back then. What has happened to us? Our fine china has been replaced with plastic...hand made, solid wood furniture has been replaced with cheap pieces of crap that last a little under a couple of years...people ate out only a handful of times in a year and when they did they were dressed their best and the children wouldn't dare misbehave. 

I think maybe we should start eating off of crystal dinnerware, sterling silver flatware and linen tablecloths. 

Let's start dressing up and having dinner parties...sip our tea or coffee out of porcelain cups with saucers...should I take off my rose colored glasses yet?

Out of Control

Right now my life is upside down. My husband is working a billion hours and is never home. The kids are hyper active because of this crazy heat wave we are having in March and they have all of this bottled up energy that no matter how often they go outside they can't seem to work it off. My 94 year old Grandma has permanently moved into an assisted living home, the end of an era or as she has said, "What ever will be, will be" Because of  her downsizing, I've been working on average 5 hours a day at my Grandma's house getting things somewhat organized, thrown out or divided up. Because of not being home the house is behind. I have several raised gardens I need to build. I have to pull weeds that have grown during the winter months....? I have to hand skim the pool because we did not cover it last fall because the heat beat the crap out of the water and we gave up. My head is spinning and I'm chipping away slowly at each thing which makes it seem as though nothing is getting accomplished. I need to divide, attack and conquer. Which comes first? AHHHHHHHHH!!!